Patty Bonds, her Parents, and her brother James White

by Steve Ray on February 18, 2009

img_0085Patty Bonds, a very dear friend of mine whom my wife and I have visited many times in Phoenix — and interviewed by Janet and I for our upcoming Defenders of the Faith TV series. For more info and pictures on the venture, click here for an earlier blog.

On her blog Abbas Little Girl she has been documenting her nightmare childhood with a sexually abusive father. She tells the story of her father’s sexual abuse, her mother’s blind eye and silence and her brother’s denial and subsequent rejection. Some of you may have heard of her brother, James White, the anti-Catholic Reformed Baptist.

I thinnk she has been very courageous in disclosing her painful story, her subsequent conversion to the Catholic Church and the healing she’s received by the grace of God. Her new ability to forgive seems nothing short of miraculous. You can read her detailed journey Out of the Darkness on her blog.

This week she posted her latest installment of “Out of the Darkness.” It is prefaced as the “Hardest Piece I’ve Ever Written” posted appropriately, or inappropriately enough on February 14th, St Valentine’s Day. Many people who have similar family issues will understand how difficult it must be for a woman to confront and expose such a childhood trauma that covered many years — as she explains the painful story of her dysfunctional family and the unfortunate repercussions she’s received especially after telling the story of her abuse. I relay on her disclosure on her blog to make others aware of her story and aware of her offer to help others in similar situations.

If you know of friends or family that have been abused — especially by a family member — you may want to point them to Patty’s blog to find help and to learn from another who has suffered incest and abuse. I commend Patty for her courage and outspoken willingness to share her story and to help others who have suffered in a similar manner. Write her a note of encouragemement if have the time.

{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Mike Sanders February 18, 2009 at 2:15 AM

What Patty went through is pretty terrible. I’m not sure if I could forgive someone in those circumstances. It would definitely be very difficult. As her son in law I can tell you she is a strong and prayerful person. I also recommend checking out her blog.

Ronald King February 19, 2009 at 9:39 AM

I have had tremendous admiration for Patty after reading her story several years when I returned to our beautiful faith after a 40 year absence. It was in the Surprised by The Truth series that I was introduced to a very small part of her life. I had no idea about the sexual abuse that she had endured at that time. After reading her story I listened to a debate between James White and Patrick Madrid. While listening to this debate I became extremely angry with James White. My anger was triggered because White refused to accept Madrid’s fact that we do give Mary the same veneration that we give God and his disposition of what I considered contempt in the tone of his statements to Madrid.
I have seen this in my work daily. The person who exhibits the symptoms of the family sins is identified as the one with the problems because she or he cannot fuse with the authority figures in that family. God has made it impossible for these special people who I believe have been given the sensitivity of saints in order for them to never feel safe until they are living in the Light of God’s Love.
Patty is one of those who have been blessed to give us the Truth of God’s Love and what we must endure if we are to live in His Love.
Steve, thank you so much for sharing this with me. I will be visiting her blog to express my gratitude to her directly.

Ronald King February 19, 2009 at 9:42 AM

I made a mistake above. I meant to say we do NOT give Mary the same veneration we give to God. OOPS.

John Danford February 20, 2009 at 10:12 AM

Patty, you are a courageous person. Stay the course. Your gentle Christ-like spirit is so beautiful.
The Holy Orthodox Church treats James White and other Protestant apologists with relaxation and humor. To choose to deny Christ in the Eucharist is to choose to follow Hom no more John 6:66. Are James White and his ilk even Christian?
Mr. King, replace your passion of anger with a virtue.
In ICXC

Ronald King February 24, 2009 at 11:27 AM

I agree John. Thank you for the reminder. We are either connected in love or fear or etc.

Barbara Huet March 5, 2009 at 11:37 PM

Loved Patty’s story. I was interested in reading it after I read her brother’s “discussions” on Dave Armstrong’s blog.
What struck me about James and another fellow on the blog, Steve Hays, is their absolute lack of charity. The relentless attack mode and refusal to admit that Dave and Scott Hahn and you, Steve, are representative of mainstream Catholic thinking. What on earth do they mean by the term, and I believe both of these men have used the term, by mainstream? As a womb to tomb Catholic a “mainstream” Catholic is one who follows the doctrines of the Church and doesn’t argue with the Pope.
Aren’t they missing the entire point of Catholicism? Our Church has dogma, doctrine, any person who claims to be a Catholic but who open defies and/or dissents is not a Catholic. They are, sorry, Ms. Pelosi et al, heretics. We don’t vote or decide about matters of faith and morals and thank the Lord for it.
Since convert apologists such as you Steve, Scott, Dave, Patrick Madrid and TONS of other wonderful people have gone back to the early church, know Scripture, Catholic theologians, know Catholic writers and thinkers plus the Catchism, the Pope, how on earth poor James and his pal arrive at their conclusion is something I cannot fathom.
Bless you Steve and your brothers and sisters in Christ for not responding by attacking James White and Steve Ray by claiming that they are not mainstream Calvinists! I really believe that they are both suffering from Catholic envy. Pray for their conversion.

joseph hedric April 8, 2012 at 2:24 PM

i have empathy for patty, as a small boy i had to witness my fathers abuse of my sisters and my mother. so what can i say? i know all about her grief. i have a lot of anger issues because of it. so, God be with you patty. my prayer is for continued healing. as for james white, i ‘m sorry to have to admit that it’s a horrendous struggle for me to be Christ like, and charitable when it comes to him. i’ve had a few dust ups with him online, one of which he responded by addressing on his radio show, and then e-mailing the whole thing to me. needless to say, i did’nt even listen to it. james whites venomous hatred for the true church, combined with his love of himself, makes him an absolute horror of a human being. that sounds awfully judgemental of me, but i’m sorry that’s the effect that he has on me. nothing, and i mean NOTHING, puts me in a foul mood quicker than james white. which is probably exactly the way he likes it. i know that i should’nt give him so much power in my life, so please pray for me. my confirmation name and favorite saint is Jerome, that’s probably no accident. i’ve seen white get dismantled several times by, metatics, akin, sungenis, and a host of others, some of which he refuses to debate anymore. also he has been particularly nasty towards steve ray, which is REALLY evil. who could be mean to steve ray? anyway i’ve come to the sad conclusion that james white is motivated, not by love of the truth but by hatred, of the Catholic church. the apostle james says “this kind of wisdom is earthly, sensual, and devilish”. james whites extremely high view of himself, and visceral hatred of the Catholic church, has twisted him beyond recognition as a christian. he is too busy admiring himself in the wavy funhouse mirror of his own twisted soul to be willing to pray for the humility to see himself as he really is. i’m truly sorry patty if i’ve offended you. i guess this is why i don’t get involved in apologetics. i would give Catholicism a bad name. beyond st. Jerome my heroes are people like george patton, bobby knight, and st. pius x, whose response to modernism was ” they should be beaten with fists”. so God in his wisdom doesn’t send me a lot of opportunities for apologetics, and i’m sure it’s better that way. pray for me. joseph a catholic sinner in need of Gods mercy easter 2012 Christos Anastis

joseph hedric April 8, 2012 at 2:42 PM

i can sympathize with patty, as a small boy i had to witness my fathers abuse of my sisters, and my mother. so God be with you patty. as for james white all i can say is may God have mercy on him. his venomous hatred of the true church, combined with his intense love of himself has twisted him beyond recognition as a christian.he is simply too busy admiring himself in the wavy funhouse mirror of his own twisted soul, to be honest and see himself as he REALLY is. but what do i know. my confirmation name and favorite saint is Jerome, that’s probably no accident. and NOTHING puts me in a foul mood quicker than james white. he is simply a horror of a human being. joseph a sinner in need of Gods mercy. easter 2012 christos anastis

Patty Bonds April 8, 2012 at 11:23 PM

Joseph,

You have not offended me at all. I have the advantage of knowing my brother on a completely different level than apologetics. That’s probably why I can still love him while I want to shake him. He’s definitely a piece of work, and he brings out the “Jerome” in me also. I have to be careful about how much time I allow myself to think about my family situation. Most of the time I just have to give it to God and keep my eyes on Jesus. Leave him to God.

Stop by my blog sometime at http://abbaslittlegirl.blogspot.com.

Peace,

Patty

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